Getting on My High Horse (and Helping Uncle Jack Off His)

“Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.” Unknown (thanks, Linda, for sending this to me)

I’m going to sound like an old fogey reminiscing about the good old days here, but I’ll risk it. It seems to me that too little emphasis is being placed on learning the basics of English these days. You know, sentence structure, punctuation, and capitalization. Seriously simple stuff. Either it’s not being taught or there are a lot of students who aren’t listening.

I once had an employee who randomly capitalized words in a sentence. Or, as he would have written, “I Once had An Employee who randomly Capitalized words.” Every email he sent made me get out my red pen. I would print the email and, after marking it up, toss it on his desk. When this didn’t get through to him, I had him take an English class. But capitalization was not addressed in that class or he was absent the day it was, because his random cap habit was never kicked, and he continued to look like a dumbass.

We’re not talking only uneducated people here. I’ve had writers tell me that they aren’t worried about that kind of stuff, that once a story is accepted for publication, the editors will clean it up. Wrong. It will probably never be accepted anywhere if the punctuation and capitalization are a mess.

My mother claims it’s a result of too much texting and tweeting. I’m not buying it. There are plenty of luddites out there who don’t know the basics of grammar and punctuation and spelling. I think the problem is much deeper than that. Many people seem to believe that it just doesn’t matter anymore, and that the rules no longer apply. Not true. Every time you send a poorly constructed, misspelled email, you are showing the recipient that you are too lazy or too stupid to communicate in proper English. And forget landing an interview if your cover letter and resume are riddled with misspellings and incorrect usage.

As for any writer who is too lazy to make certain a story is grammatically correct, you can blame the editor who doesn’t want to spend his time teaching you first grade English for that rejection.

You’ve Found a Residency You Want – Now What?

VCCA - photo courtesy of Joelle Wallach — VCCA – photo courtesy of Joelle Wallach, composer and VCCA resident

It’s that time of year – I’m itching to go somewhere and hide out and write. So I’m looking at deadlines for residencies, and getting my submissions polished. It’s not too stressful for me – I’ve done this before. But I remember when I first started looking into colonies and felt so clueless. I had so many questions. What is a statement of purpose? How is that different from an artist’s statement? Is it better to send a short story or novel excerpt? Who should write my letters of recommendation? While I don’t have all the answers, and each residency committee varies somewhat, here are things most of them will ask you to submit.

A brief bio and/or CV. Try to keep your bio to one page, if possible, and include only pertinent information. Same goes for the CV – keep it brief (no more than 2 pages) and pertinent. If you don’t have lots of publications, it’s OK. They want to see that you are committed to your craft. When I first started applying, since I didn’t have many credits, I sent in a CV that stressed my role at WriterHouse, my education, etc.
Artist statement. Usually no more than one page, this is a way for the jurors to get to know you as an artist. They want to know about you and your work, what makes you a good candidate, and why a residency would benefit you. Tailor this to the residency you are applying for. Are they looking for diversity? Emerging writers? Craft your artist statement to show how you fit their ideal candidate.
Statement of Purpose. This one usually throws people, because you’re applying for a residency that might be a year away. How do you know what you’ll be working on? Don’t stress. Your statement of purpose is not a contract. The point of this is more to show you have a purpose in mind than to tie you down. They want to know that you are thinking in terms of work getting done.
Letters of Recommendation. Most writers I know hate this one. Who to ask? Will I be bothering them by asking? Will my old advisor even remember me? You need to get over this. You are not asking for money, you are not asking for a job. You are asking for a letter. Most people don’t mind writing a letter of recommendation. It’s mainly to let the committee know that you’re a good fit for a residency. That you take your writing seriously. Not to testify to the quality of your work. So really, anyone who knows your work ethic and your ability to function in a quiet environment can write you a letter of recommendation.
Work Sample. This is the most important part of the application, so choose your best and most polished work. This is where you should spend the most time. As to whether to send short fiction or a novel excerpt, consider what your statement of purpose says. If you say you’re going to be working on revising a novel while there, you probably don’t want to send in 10 poems. And do pay attention to the maximum word or page count. Really, if they say they only want 20 pages, they mean it. Don’t eliminate yourself before they even read the work.

Good luck. Hope to see you at some fabulous residency soon.

Writing Group 101

The other day someone on twitter asked for opinions on writing groups for a seminar she’s teaching MFA students. What a great topic, I thought, to discuss with students before they get out of the MFA workshop environment into the real world. What a great topic, really, for any writer. And since new writers ask me periodically about writing groups, I thought I’d share some of my answers to their questions.

1) How do you find a writing group? These days, anyone with a computer can find a writing group. When I moved to Charleston, I found my current group listed on craigslist. But for new writers, I would recommend a class or a workshop with an instructor to facilitate. Critiquing is a learned skill, and it’s always good to learn with a leader who knows what she’s doing. Once you’ve been in a class for six or eight weeks, you’ll have a good feel for the writers who are on a similar level and have similar sensibilities who might be interested in forming a group. Then it’s just a matter of approaching them and putting it together.

2) How many people should you have in a group? I’ve found that a group of fewer than five sometimes falls apart because it’s hard to keep up the momentum and have enough material to critique if you meet once a week. If all four are prolific, though, it might work fine. On the other hand, a large group can become unwieldy. But always allow for attrition. The group I am in now had eight members, lost one, and is adding another this week.

3) How often should we meet? The groups I’ve been in have all met once a week, but you can meet once a month or as often as everyone wants. The important thing to remember is that you have to have members committed to submitting and attending when it’s scheduled, realizing that of course sometimes life gets in the way. Someone who only attends when he’s being critiqued, though, or who only shows up every fourth meeting, doesn’t belong in your group.

4) How should it be organized? There are lots of books out there on how to run a writing group. The only really important rule, I think, is that the one being critiqued needs to shut up and listen when others are discussing his/ her work. Some groups submit in rotation, some have members submit whenever they have something to submit. I would suggest that you try to allow approximately thirty minutes to discuss each piece. So if you meet for two hours, don’t plan on discussing more than four pieces each meeting.

5) What if someone is rude or just isn’t working out in the group? All I can say there is if it’s not a good fit, get rid of that person. Don’t lose good members because you don’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings or don’t know how to get rid of her. And if you join a group and it’s negative or is mainly a social club and isn’t meeting your needs, don’t waste time – get out.

Whether you’re a new writer, or have been published many times, a writing group can provide much needed insight into your work. And if you’re lucky, like I have been, you’ll also be blessed with cheerleaders and lifelong friends.